i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
