he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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