I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
