i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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