i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
