We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
