I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would fuck him just for his dog
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
