I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
