My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
