dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
