I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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