Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
