i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
