did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
