i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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