Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
