Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
