this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I AM VODKA MAN
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
