During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
