Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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