Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
