my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
