My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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