Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
