Jerry, you need to find god
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
