Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
