Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
