I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
