shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
