I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
