I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
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