just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
