I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
