sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry about my life...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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