Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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