where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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