Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
