hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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