Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
tell me about the fingering
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