so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
