my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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