nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
