Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
