Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
