Fuck appropriateness.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
