her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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