I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
