There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
