My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
