This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
