i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
