We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
