I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
