Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
